man life has just been so hectic lately,i dont realy have time for anything anymore between work,females,and smokin.so here's whats  new:


*Im still with the girl Tiffany but we dont realy talk or see eachother that offten{I DONT KNOW WHY WE ARE STILL TOGEHTER}.Im messin with the girl ashley and I THINK   I love her but i dont wanna end up hurtin her or in turn GETTIN MYSELF HURT so im not with her.I know for a FACT that I am in love with one of my closest friends Kassy but me and her are not together......Its realy her fault we are not together.Yeah we flirt all the time but i mean that can only get you so far.We been flirtin FOR LIKE A LIL UNDER A YEAR NOW!!! I wanna be more than friends but she jsut aint makin a move.I dont wanna make a move cuz its just gonna blow up in my face.So im just kinda screwed.(I would love if someone could give me some advice on what to do with that whole Kassy situation)

*Work is goin pretty good but my fuckin supervisor is soooo fuckin lazy,she is suppose to help us clean up but today i walked in on her sleeping.Im gettin tiered of that shit,I dont wanna quit cuz i would rather just be moved into another building cuz that shit is just wrong.

*Weed is my fuckin soulmate......lately I have just been lightin a blunt,blastin bob marley,and playin army games like metal of honor on my ps2.Weed is what gives me motivation to keep living.

well thats about it I guess,im gonna try to update a little more though

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: light up the sky-yellowcard

Im happy because that means im not gonna have to be in this house all damn day.My parents watch me and never let me go any where because they think im always over some girls house,which is mostly true,but I find it funny how they think they can prevent me from being gay.I go to summer school from like 7 somethin to 12:45 then I work from 5:30 to like 9 or something.

I dont think I can take being here much longer,im gonna lose it.First it was just me,my lil bro,and my mom but now my grandma and my cousin,something is wrong with his brain cuz his mom was on drugs when she had him,live with us too.Its so bad because my grandma gets mad about shit that my cousin does and takes it out on everyone else.My cousin does stuff and i get in trouble for it because "I WASNT WATCHING HIM".First off he is't my child and second I HAVE A LIFE!! The only reason he is here is cuz his dad is to fuckin busy to take care of him.I could realy use a fat ass blunt right about now.Im so fuckin stressed out the only thing is they might start piss testin me at my job and that would fuckin suck.

I need to save up and get a new board,I havent been skatin in so fuckin long....that helped me release stress also because it just seemed like nothin else matters and nothin could go wrong.After my board broke i picked up being a stoner again.I mean there is nothing wrong with that because I fuckin love the green but yeah....I just been smokin realy heavy lately.

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: The Great Escape-Boys Like Girls

Ugh...so many words to explain it but I cant pick one,basicaly its just one big clusterfuck of all the "cool" people that never went to class from like 4-5 different schools.Funny thing is every last gay person from my school is in there with me.So what exactly is that sayin for us?That we are lazy?Nope its just that there were not that many of us and i guess all the attention we were gettin kinda went to our heads so we were always posted up against some lockers or running from teachers.

IT SUCKS SO BAD BEING THERE!!! ok first off ima start by saying how shit went when I went to summer school after 9th grade at baltimore city public school.It was $150 a class,you could take 2 if you needed to,if you only took one class you left after 2 hours(thats how long the classes were),but if you took 2 you would leave at 12.Ok but out here in Baltimore County public schools where everything is suppose to be so much better than city schools its $275 a class and you can only take one and the damn classes are 5 HOURS LONG!!!!!! You get two 15 minute breaks,one at 9 where you just sit in class and durring the other break which is at 11 you get to stand outside looking realy dumb.We just walked around trying to bum cigarettes off eachother,I MEAN EVERYONE WAS DOING IT!!!! Its so fuckin stressful in there and what makes it worse is my teacher IS A DICK!! I fuckin hate this guy already and its only been the first day.We have some gay guy and he is so fucking particular about everything and he has so many rules.No its not the school systems rules its his rules.Like say you have the littlest gold chain around your neck he will kick you out until you take it off and you cant realy do anything back because YOU NEED THE FUCKIN CREDIT AND YOUR PARENT JUST PAID $275 FOR IT.

I guess Im just gonna have to put up with him,I dont think Im gonna last during those long ass 5 hour days.I would honestly love to have english instead of geometry cuz thats a long ass time to be sittin there lookin at numbers and angles when realy Im never gonna need geometry after school.But english is my strong point and math is my weakness so yeah....im just kinda S.O.L

Current Mood: lazy
Current Music: Reasons-Earth,Wind,& Fire

Tonight is the first night all week that I have actualy been home.Lately I have been hangin out with Kassy and Krystin,mainly cuz I wanted to see Kassy.But last night she was grounded so I just went over Krystin's house at like 12am and aint leave til 2 somethin.We kissed but it wasnt what I wanted,shit Im expecting a full on makeout but all I got was some bullshit peck on the lips so I was like damn girl thats all I get and then she did it again. Was'nt too happy bout it cuz it wasnt what I expected.Either way chillin with her was kinda fun.

So I been talkin to Gwen alot more,I now see that we are way better friends than a couple cuz both of us mess around alot.I lie to you not Im messin with 4 people and so is she.Well of course Im with 4 girls but she is with 3 guys and a girl. She is now my pimpin buddy and my weed buddy.I still love her,she is like one of the coolest friends I have.well there ya go,I love her as a friend.

Im so fuckin bored right now,listenin to old ass songs cuz I have no life.Dude I wish I could go over Krystins house but she had to work full time so I know she is tiered as fuck so I aint even gonna text or call to see if she is up.God only knows what Kassy was up too so I aint even gonna ask.I wanna go get my sister lexi but its gonna use up hella gas driving there.I might just say fuck it and go.

Damn this chick Tiffany keeps messagin me,like I said I was lonely and told her I loved her but she has been on my fuckin snatch all damn week.I mean everytime I think Im gettin a message from another girl or Kassy its always her talkin bout nothin.I plan on breakin up with her 2 weeks before school starts.Like I dont wanna break it off right away because I cant realy say oh I realy dont love,better yet,i dont even like you like that.So i think Im gonna say somethin about how I cant do this anymore because I cant keep to one girl and I dont want her to end up gettin hurt and that Im just not ready for a steady relationship right now. In all honesty Im a well known man-whore.....its not like I do it on perpose....i just love females and I CANT SAY NO.Well somehow Im gonna have to break it off.

Current Location: the family room,as usual
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Bartender- T-Pain

So when I was 14 going on 15 I dated a girl name Amy who was two years older than me and im sad to say that she was my last lesbian girlfriend or lesbian girl to like me in general.Lately I have been gettin caught up with bisexuals and im not feelin it at all.I dated Gwendolyn for 6 months and the thing is she had a boyfriend and I realy dont think she realy broke it off with him until she broke up with me although she told me otherwise.She claimed she was a lesbian for a while but now she is saying she is straight but I know she is bi.

While I was with Gwen I was talking to our friend Kassy who had a boyfriend too.She said she liked me and I liked her.Im now realy in love with this girl and I have told her how I felt. She just broke up with her boyfriend like a couple weeks ago because they got into an argument and he ended up hittin her in the middle of the hall at school but she been talkin to me.She is still talkin to him even though she isnt suppose to because there are charges being held against him.

I was talkin to our friend Krystin and she told me to just let it go,quit while im ahead cuz she has been turnin down everyone tryin to get with her.Everyone has been tellin me that which is why the other day when my friend Ashley asked me would I be her girlfriend I was like sure.I mean I realy dont wanna be with her but I figure I might as well just settle cuz there is no way me and kassy are gettin together.

Although Im with ashley I have been talkin to this girl Tiffany,me and her have had our thing for sometime now and she wants to be more than friends.I dont wanna do that but Im not making it easy on myself.The other night i was feeling realy down because I was alone and I wanted someone to be there with me and I told her I loved her but didnt mean it.You cant just take somethin like that back.So now when I talk to her she tells me she loves me and I try to change the subject.But seriously I wouldnt get with her because her and her boyfriend just broke up and he is still calling...like he is realy fuckin hung up on her and plus im realy cool with him.

Either way I keep ending up with these bisexuals who still have crazy boyfriends,are having problems lettin them go,or are realy fuckin confused.I seriously hope I find someone this summer.Im not one who likes being single....yes Im known as a manwhore but I still want a girl that I can still say is mine.Like I know she got my back no matter what.I know I can get that from Kassy but me and her probably will never be together.

Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: annonymous-bobby valentino ft/ timberland

well Im kinda over Gwen now,I have come to accept the fact that there is no going back and we will be friends....and thats all we are ever gonna be.But after running into a realy crazy chick,I will tell her story later, I have decided that Im taking a break from girls(i decided this the other day)No Im not going straight!!!! People keep asking me that,Im just gonna be single for a while,like Im tiered of lookin for the one and ending up being heartbroken or ending up having to hide from the girl cuz she is crazy.Im just gonna wait for her to come to me,maybe it will happen over the summer,im not sure.

Ok so this is the story about the crazy chick,her name is ashley and she is my friend rayona's girlfriend.Well one day she randomly told me I was cute and after that day I wanted to get to know her cuz I aint know who the hell she was,i had never seen her before although she has been in school with me all year.Well we started talkin on myspace and then she gave me her number so we started talkin on the phone.She started tellin me how her relationship was bullshit and how she felt like she wasnt wanted.Well by me being single now I kept talkin to her although she was my friends girl,I felt bad about it though.At first I realy liked Ashley,I found out she was a nympho and more freaky shit.Me and her realy clicked until one day she sent me a text saying she loved me.Keep in mind she sent this like the second day of us actualy talking.So I just ignored her and she kept sending more messages asking did i not like her no more and I still wouldnt respond so she started callin from a restricted number.This shit carried on for a couple of hours until she sent me a message asking did I not love her anymore and then I had to say somethin cuz the chick is crazy but I aint realise it until that moment.I replied saying what do you mean i dont love you no more,i dont even know you like that,this is like our second fuckin day talkin.Then she just kinda changed the subject but I been tryin to duck her out in school but it just seems like I keep running into her,its getting annoying.But its cool cuz tomorrow is the last day so i aint gotta see her no more.

Well thats pretty much it for right now,im still trying to decide wether I wanna smoke or not cuz I mean Im already fucking tiered and going to sleep after smoking is bullshit cuz you waste the high.Idk I might just go to sleep.

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: the almost-say this sooner

I was talkin to my friend kristina when I realised that the reason why I smoke so much at night is so I wont think about her.I mean I quit smoking but the night that she broke up with me I started again so now its been a week that I have been smokin non stop.I mean during the day is fine because I actualy get to see her and I mean atleast she is still talkin to me but at night its just me in my room and I start thinkin about her so I smoke.They always say you dont miss a good thing till its gone.....yeah its true.I mean although we had our problems some shit was ok.I mean I know it was my fault we broke up but im kinda mad at her for ending I mean all the fuck she had to do was try.She put in a shitload of effort with that other nigga but its cool.Fuck it,aint shit i can do about it now but write about it.Even that aint helpin,I hate actin like Im happy around her and shit.well i got 9 minutes before i need to go and i still got shit to do so yeah.....i will update later

man Im still hung up over her.Yesterday I hung out over tylers house with him,his sister lexi,and gwen.Shit was kinda weird at first but then shit got a bit less awkward.I felt kinda bad for a second,like maybe she aint wanna be around me or something but I started feeling better when I would say something and she would laugh,her smile just made me feel like everything was fine.Like we aint never break up but the sad thing is...we did.Its pissin me off cuz I want her back but she aint havin it,she said she was done so i mean im not trying to push it on her.Like I mean Im her friend but im kinda keepin my distance cuz Im trying to keep my feelings on the low.But seriously she did like whore the shit outta me one too many times and I just kinda sat there and took it.Even though she did all that shit I still love her so I tend to over look that most of the time but everyone else seems to always have to bring that shit up,its so fuckin annoyin.Yes I get the fact that she was realy fuckin rude about the whole thing and she dropped me like a bad habbit in kfc but still.Yo I dont know what it is about her because normaly if a girl does that shit,well trying to whore me,I would just tell her I was fuckin done aind aint wanna deal with the shit nomore but I know she aint like that.She has her moments where she can be like that but for the most part she aint.Oh well I guess I gotta try and be happy with us just being friends....AGAIN

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: none

Today was kinda awkward,I sat in class with her and Tyler.In all honesty I felt a bit left out cuz they are like such good friends so all they did was play but i was in kind of a bad mood so i just kinda sat there after tyrone left.Yo I wish the fuck I could get over her,I wish the fuck I could stop thinkin about her,I wish we had just stayed friends from the start.Maybe shit would have ended better if shit happened that way.Like when Im around her I get theurge to touch her but then its like hey you cant do that remember,your friends now.This shit sucks.Im trying to move on,trying to find another girl.Sad thing is all the girls I mess around with are either in a relationship or trying to figure out what the hell they are but when it comes down to it all they wanna do is mess around.I hate being single so i need somebody.My brother called me last night and was like hey you know how you broke up with gwen right,well i got a suprise for you.Then he continued on to tell me about this girl who randomly added him and who is gay.He gave me her URL and when I came home today I sent her a message.So far we are just talkin about skatin.She is realy fuckin pretty and seems realy cool and she lives here which is an improvement from my other girlfriends.Well I guess ima finish talking to her and see how shit goes.

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: none

So me and her broke up.Well actualy she dropped me like a bad fucking habit in kfc the other day.I mean I try to act like I dont care by joking around about it cuz like how the fuck do you get dumped by a vegan in kfc?! But in all honesty Im kinda fucked up about that shit.She said she didnt feel like she was wanted,she just didnt know how fuckin much she was wanted.I just had problems showin her,i thought I was the only person who had issues with that shit until I heard this song called "Teach Me" by Musiq Soulchild.That song describes it all,it makes me depressed when I listen to it though.Some of the parts that that describe like what the hell i was feeling were:

You say I don't know to love you baby
Well I say show me the way
I keep my feelings (deep inside I)
Shadow them (with my pride eye)
I'm trying desperately baby just work with me

Teach me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved

[Verse 2:]
I was always taught to be strong
never let them think you care at all
Let no one get close to me
Before (you and me)
I den' shared things wit chu girl about my past
That I'd never tell to anyone else (no)
Just keep it to myself, (yes)
Now I know I lack affection and expressing my feelings
It took me a minute to come and admit this but
See I'm really try'na (change now)
Wanna love you better, (show me how)
I'm tryin desperately baby hey

[Bridge:]
Ain't nobody ever took the time to try to teach me what (love was but you)
And I ain't never trust anyone enough to let em tell me (what to do)
Teach me how to show it and show me how to love you baby
(Teach me please just show me yeah)
Cause I'm (willing)
To let (go) of my (fears) girl I'm (serious)
About (all that I've said)
Girl I (wanna love you) with (all my heart)
Baby show me where to start


Yeah I aint feel like puttin the whole song up there cuz it reapeats alot of shit over and over again but yeah,for the most part you can kinda understand where Im going with this on.Its too fuckin late to do anything now cuz she has made up her mind, I ran out of chances. I begged her once and she told me no so why beg again.People keep tellin me nah man she aint made up her mind keep trying,girls are like that.No,she made up her fuckin mind and she is done with me.Now we are friends and I mean thats all fine and good but my fuckin anxiety gets realy bad when Im around her,just for the fact that I still like her although she was kind of a bitch about the whole breakin up thing.idk I guess I just gotta try and get over it.She said she is gonna go straight,i think its bullshit,I still say she is bi.I realy never thought she was a lesbian cuz like I said i realy aint feel comfortable with her around guys.Cant say she is straight cuz she likes females a bit too much.So yeah,shes bi in my opinion.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: halfcrazy-musiq soulchild